A food addict at the grocery store: lies I tell myself

As I'm walking through the isles of the grocery store with no list in hand (mistake number one), there are all these dangerous thoughts that I entertain in my mind. My personality around food is definitely split. I want to never eat sugar again and simultaneously eat all the sugar at once. And if that's not confusing enough, I somehow convince myself it's okay to eat these things but I really, really don't want anyone else around while I do it. How's that for mental gymnastics? Unfortunately, I can't hide it forever, since what I eat in secret I wear in public!

Here's a list of silly ridiculous rationalizations that I use to allow myself to buy things that make me gain fat:

Comforting lie: That one time back in 2012 I bought some ice cream and didn't immediately eat all of it, so I'll just get some and it should be fine.

Reality check: The past 10 times in a row that I bought ice cream I ate the whole thing in one day.

Conclusion: Ice cream shall henceforth only be purchased in a single serving size and enjoyed along with some good company. Any attempt to convince myself otherwise is a fast track to flab.

Comforting lie: I need to have some kind of food treat around the house. If I'm craving sweets but I don't have any, I will end up overeating some other random thing that I whip up that doesn't even taste good.

Reality check: I use food to deal with stress. Therefore, having a house devoid of sweets can make me feel exposed and vulnerable. I need to practice more non-food ways of managing my stress.

Conclusion: Having junk food around doesn't help anything. Try out and practice new coping mechanisms.

Comforting lie: I'm on a roll with eating healthily lately, I can take a few extra treats home and enjoy them in moderation.

Reality check: I'm feeling good now, but if I resist buying something that will tempt me, then I won't have to resist it when I'm tired, angry, stressed, grumpy, or just bored. Even if I don’t eat it all at once, having it around will increase my stress because I’ll have to constantly be deciding not to eat it.

Conclusion: Make a dang grocery list. Not buying something is a lot easier than not eating it once it's in front of me.

Comforting lie: Nuts and nut butters are healthy!

Reality check: Not for me they're not. They are crazy calorie dense and I eat way, way too much of them. Peanut butter and regular butter have almost the same calories.

Conclusion: Do. Not. Buy. Seriously, don’t do it.

Comforting lie: I'm just going to look at the beautiful selection of foods down this yummy isle and see if I can find something that's not-so-bad.

Reality check: Looking at food that I don't intend to buy makes me feel like a freak that can't have "normal food," and I'll probably end up buying something. "Normal food" is what made 2/3 of our country overweight, and I don't want to end up there again.

Conclusion: Stay focused. Know what foods I need, get them and get out. The longer I'm in a grocery store, the more likely I am to regret my choices.

It's much easier to bask in the glow of comforting lies and blame my gains on a slow metabolism, genetics, and whatever other ridiculous nonsense makes me feel better. But the bottom line is that I eat too much food, and I need to figure it out. I need to be honest with myself about what works and what doesn't and make choices based on that input. What is actually going to make me feel good is not carrying excess fat around on my body, not the temporary comfort of chocolate. And while I'll always love my chocolate, I think a few squares in combination with good company is more satisfying than giving in only while no one is watching!